


Paladin

by ivycross



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt Steve McGarrett, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 13:12:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4480517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivycross/pseuds/ivycross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He's not enough and some nights he cries with Steve because he can't save him from the demons that hunt in his mind.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paladin

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta read. Cross posted to my tumblr

By the time Danny and Steve arrive home, the sun has set. They’re both exhausted by the day's events and Danny struggles to even get out of the car. He manages and drags his tired aching body into the house. His knee shrieks in pain with each step as he wanders into the kitchen. He's not sure why he goes there first. He's not hungry. In fact, he may never be hungry again. Not after what he's seen. Still he opens the refrigerator door and peers inside.

The sight of last night dinner makes him gag and dry heave. He grabs a couple of beers and shuts the door quickly. He turns to see where Steve's gone. He heard him walk into the room, but he's nowhere to be seen. He spots him outside standing out on the Lanai and he moves out to join him.

“Here Babe. I think we earned these.”

Steve doesn't respond as Danny holds a Longboard out to him. In the low light, Danny can see Steve is pale, his shoulders shaking slightly. He sets both bottles down and touches his arm. With a gasp Steve jumps away, his shaking suddenly much worse. 

“Steve? What's wrong?”

Steve stares at him, his lips parted, his eyes far too wide. They shine in the moonlight wet and glassy looking. Danny steps in close pulling Steve to him. 

“Hey. Hey. Talk to me Steve. Tell me what's going on.” 

Steve falls into him, his head resting on Danny's shoulder and there's a soft choking sound. Danny holds him and starts to rock them side to side.

“They were just kids,” Steve whispers.

“I know babe.”

“They were kids Danny and that monster...”

“I know.”

Danny dreads nights like this. The nights where Steve's veneer shatters. Where something in a movie triggers a memory and he sobs for an hour. Where he wakes up screaming and flailing in their bed. Where he just sits outside staring at nothing until Danny has to bring him in.

Danny hates himself for it too. It's not Steve's fault. He's seen too much. Has had too many things happen to him. He does the best he can and most days he's fine. Most days... But when Steve falls apart, Danny never knows what to do. He's read books and talked to people at the VA, but it's never enough. He's not enough and some nights he cries with Steve because he can't save him from the demons that hunt in his mind.

Steve sobs openly into his shoulder and Danny just holds him because that's all he can do. Hold him and try to sooth him. Push back the monsters one more time.

Max once called him a paladin and Danny had given him a funny look. Then Max explained. In some games, paladins are warriors with a single-minded devotion to good. 

He told Danny he once overheard a conversation between Steve and Chin, about Steve's trauma and how Danny was always there for him. He explained that Danny was Steve's paladin. 

Danny laughed at the time, but later it struck him hard. He was no hero. No great protector. He couldn't save Steve. He could only just be there when the monsters came.

It's several minutes before Steve stops crying. He sniffs and whimpers against Danny's shoulder before pulling away slowly. He looks a mess, his face blotchy and wet from tears. Danny doesn't care as he rubs Steve's arms, trying to peer into his face as Steve stares at the ground.

“You okay?” 

Steve shakes his head. 

Danny licks his lips and nods. “You need anything?” 

Steve simply shrugs. 

“What do you wanna do? You wanna sit on the beach?” That gets him a nod.

Taking Steve's arm, Danny gently leads him down to shore and sits him down. He pulls off his shoes and socks as Steve sit hunched over still sniffing before Danny reaches over and starts undoing the laces on Steve's boots.

Steve watches him impassively as Danny tugs off first one boot and then the other before removing his socks. “There you go,” Danny says softly. “That's better, right?” 

Another nod as Steve slowly pushes his feet forward in the sand until they touch the water. Danny does the same and together they sit in silence the waves lapping over their toes.

“I’m sorry.” Steve’s voice is so soft that Danny almost doesn't hear him. He turns to face him a hand going to his shoulder.

“You don't have anything to be sorry for,” he says in the same soft tone. “I should be saying sorry to you because I can't help.”

Steve peers at him. “You help. You help a lot. I just don't know why you put up with me.”

“I don't put up with you,” Danny says. He leans in close and slowly, so not to startle the man, cups his face with his hands. “I love you and that will never change. Not ever.”

New tears form in Steve's eyes and Danny worries that he has done something wrong. Then Steve smiles a small tentative thing.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

Danny smiles back his heart swelling with love. “You're welcome.” He pulls Steve closer, holding him to his side. He hears a sigh and feel Steve's breath on his neck as the man rest his head on his shoulder. He kisses the top of Steve's head and cradles him in his arms.

Maybe this is what a real paladin does? They can't stop the monsters, but they sure as hell can fight them. Fight them off again and again and comfort the wounded. Danny strokes Steve's hair whispering calming mantras. As he does, he thinks he would fight anything for this man. Fight until his last dying breath, so maybe he was a paladin after all.


End file.
